Monday, December 17, 2012

Confession 3: You've Got Mail!

My Preferred Match:  
Height: 5’5”-12’ That seems reasonable… and keeps my options open.
Weight: …  This question…
Hair: No Preference Putting “no preference” for all of these things makes me sound some kind of desperate…
Eyes: uummm That he has them?? Do people really have preferences for this?
Job: Doctor, Lawyer, CEO, President  Also very reasonable. Maybe this isn’t so hard.

                I thought I had a total emotional freak out over The Wink and to be fair, I did lose my marbles for about 5 seconds (or a whole minute, but who’s counting??).  Well that was before I started getting and answering emails from my potential suitors.  The Wink was my safe zone because I didn’t have to use any words. For those of you that don’t know me all that well, I will explain the sitch we’ve got goin’ on here.
                I’m awkward. I don’t mean to be and I have learned to accept it, as have most of my friends and family. My 17 year old sister still finds it hard to deal with, but that’s a different blog.  My awkwardness could almost be seen as funny or endearing, but this takes a little time and you need to get to know me.  The online dating world is all about first impressions, which is hard enough in person… let alone through a non-verbal, piece of machinery hooked up to a web site that FORCES YOU TO BE THE MOST AWKWARD FORM OF YOURSELF!!! So if I am awkward in person/real life, online dating takes that and multiplies it by about a KAJILLION (which is definitely a real number).
                Rewind back to me and my current predicament. The men I have so carefully picked out and “winked” at have deemed me to be “wink worthy” as well and have decided to not only “wink” back, but have also decided to start a conversation with me. This is a natural progression of things, but it does little to soothe the absolute panic going on in my head.  How am I supposed to be witty, coy, mysterious, but not closed off, sexy, but not a hooker, not awkward, and alluring in AN EMAIL?! It’s pretty much next to impossible. I sat and stared at the computer screen with the read out of my email for what seemed like hours. I would find other things to do, leave the room and come back to check and see if some mysterious online fairy godmother had come and answered my email for me. No luck. I’m pretty sure my roommate, bless her, was absolutely sick of me asking “how does this sound??”. What I would have said to me, “It sounds exactly the same as the last 987 drafts you just read me… moron”.  Some of you might be saying, “Well at least you have the chance to delete and start over, that has to help with your awkwardness!” Wrong! It amplifies it! I’m forced to over analyze my every thought and word. This makes me nervous and causes me to try to be “funny” which only makes me more awkward. As my panic rises so does my awkwardness causing the perfect storm of online dating me and awkward me to collide and make a monster awkward human being trying to make a great first impression on an online dating website, through an email. Not pretty.
                Match does this little thing to try and help you get through writing your emails. They give you “tips”. While it is very nice of them to try and help those unfortunately awkward late bloomers out there, I’m here to say that it made me want to pull my hair out, hard to believe I know. They had me thinking about so many different things…. Don’t put too many exclamation points, Don’t use smileys, talk about yourself but not too much, seem interested in his life and ask questions, but not too many you don’t want to seem overeager… My inner email battle looked something like this:
                Hi! My name is Amanda! Oh shoot… too many exclamation points. DELETE
Hi. My name is Amanda. What’s yours? Well that’s a dumb question… he’ll probably tell me anyway and who just says Hi.? Creepers. That’s who. DELETE
So, how are you? WHAT?! No. DELETE
Hi, I’m Amanda. I guess you already know everything about me from my profile… haha! OK. 1. That’s just sad if that’s everything. 2. Why are you laughing?! 3. You didn’t ask him a question… you’re supposed to ask him a question! DELETE
Hi! I’m Amanda and this whole online dating thing is making me have ulcers because crazily enough I’m on here because I’m so dang awkward in real life that I scare men away. So naturally I thought I would be less awkward online and be able to give off the vibe of super confident, sexy Amanda that only lives behind the closed door of my bathroom shower radio world.  AAAAHHHH!!! DELETE!!!
After many hours of battle and countless re-dos and re-reads I had my “perfect email”. While it probably didn’t win any awards and it would never be used as an example for Match’s perfect email , it was a reply and sometimes that’s all you can ask for.
Email from LS445: Hi I’m Louis. How long have you lived in Atlanta?
Email from AJB747: Hi! I’m Amanda. I’ve lived in Atlanta since May. How long have you lived here?
Pure genius my friends. Pure genius.

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