Monday, December 17, 2012

Confession 3: You've Got Mail!

My Preferred Match:  
Height: 5’5”-12’ That seems reasonable… and keeps my options open.
Weight: …  This question…
Hair: No Preference Putting “no preference” for all of these things makes me sound some kind of desperate…
Eyes: uummm That he has them?? Do people really have preferences for this?
Job: Doctor, Lawyer, CEO, President  Also very reasonable. Maybe this isn’t so hard.

                I thought I had a total emotional freak out over The Wink and to be fair, I did lose my marbles for about 5 seconds (or a whole minute, but who’s counting??).  Well that was before I started getting and answering emails from my potential suitors.  The Wink was my safe zone because I didn’t have to use any words. For those of you that don’t know me all that well, I will explain the sitch we’ve got goin’ on here.
                I’m awkward. I don’t mean to be and I have learned to accept it, as have most of my friends and family. My 17 year old sister still finds it hard to deal with, but that’s a different blog.  My awkwardness could almost be seen as funny or endearing, but this takes a little time and you need to get to know me.  The online dating world is all about first impressions, which is hard enough in person… let alone through a non-verbal, piece of machinery hooked up to a web site that FORCES YOU TO BE THE MOST AWKWARD FORM OF YOURSELF!!! So if I am awkward in person/real life, online dating takes that and multiplies it by about a KAJILLION (which is definitely a real number).
                Rewind back to me and my current predicament. The men I have so carefully picked out and “winked” at have deemed me to be “wink worthy” as well and have decided to not only “wink” back, but have also decided to start a conversation with me. This is a natural progression of things, but it does little to soothe the absolute panic going on in my head.  How am I supposed to be witty, coy, mysterious, but not closed off, sexy, but not a hooker, not awkward, and alluring in AN EMAIL?! It’s pretty much next to impossible. I sat and stared at the computer screen with the read out of my email for what seemed like hours. I would find other things to do, leave the room and come back to check and see if some mysterious online fairy godmother had come and answered my email for me. No luck. I’m pretty sure my roommate, bless her, was absolutely sick of me asking “how does this sound??”. What I would have said to me, “It sounds exactly the same as the last 987 drafts you just read me… moron”.  Some of you might be saying, “Well at least you have the chance to delete and start over, that has to help with your awkwardness!” Wrong! It amplifies it! I’m forced to over analyze my every thought and word. This makes me nervous and causes me to try to be “funny” which only makes me more awkward. As my panic rises so does my awkwardness causing the perfect storm of online dating me and awkward me to collide and make a monster awkward human being trying to make a great first impression on an online dating website, through an email. Not pretty.
                Match does this little thing to try and help you get through writing your emails. They give you “tips”. While it is very nice of them to try and help those unfortunately awkward late bloomers out there, I’m here to say that it made me want to pull my hair out, hard to believe I know. They had me thinking about so many different things…. Don’t put too many exclamation points, Don’t use smileys, talk about yourself but not too much, seem interested in his life and ask questions, but not too many you don’t want to seem overeager… My inner email battle looked something like this:
                Hi! My name is Amanda! Oh shoot… too many exclamation points. DELETE
Hi. My name is Amanda. What’s yours? Well that’s a dumb question… he’ll probably tell me anyway and who just says Hi.? Creepers. That’s who. DELETE
So, how are you? WHAT?! No. DELETE
Hi, I’m Amanda. I guess you already know everything about me from my profile… haha! OK. 1. That’s just sad if that’s everything. 2. Why are you laughing?! 3. You didn’t ask him a question… you’re supposed to ask him a question! DELETE
Hi! I’m Amanda and this whole online dating thing is making me have ulcers because crazily enough I’m on here because I’m so dang awkward in real life that I scare men away. So naturally I thought I would be less awkward online and be able to give off the vibe of super confident, sexy Amanda that only lives behind the closed door of my bathroom shower radio world.  AAAAHHHH!!! DELETE!!!
After many hours of battle and countless re-dos and re-reads I had my “perfect email”. While it probably didn’t win any awards and it would never be used as an example for Match’s perfect email , it was a reply and sometimes that’s all you can ask for.
Email from LS445: Hi I’m Louis. How long have you lived in Atlanta?
Email from AJB747: Hi! I’m Amanda. I’ve lived in Atlanta since May. How long have you lived here?
Pure genius my friends. Pure genius.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Confession 2: Winking and all that it implies

Disclaimer: I am in no way putting down or speaking ill of the online dating scene… I am a part of it and simply want to share some of my stories. You never know, I may just meet my “match” while writing this blog!
In 1,000 words or less write in this box your hobbies and something that makes you you!
Awesome… 1,000 words. I am so interesting; I will use up at least 999 of them.
I am a teacher Darn it, that is my life in a nutshell.
I love reading I’ll say I enjoy the classics, but really I prefer a trashy romance.
 I graduated from The University of Florida in 2011 with my Masters in Elementary Education
That’s right bitches! Go Gators!
That’s got to be at least 50 words… 22 shoot.
I love going to the beach and dancing. I bet no one else will put the beach; I didn’t put long walks on the beach so it’s not cliché at all! And it doesn’t matter that most of my dancing is done in my car.
If you want to know more you’ll just have to ask me :)  YES!! That makes me look mysterious and it will make them talk to me. GENIUS.

AAhhh the making of the online dating profile. I guess to be fair; no one said it would be easy. Honestly though, you’d think talking about yourself in great detail would be a piece of cake. I struggled for at least an hour on what to say to 1. Make myself standout without 2. Sounding completely cheesy, sketchy, or awkward. Not an easy feat my friends. In any case, after I slapped together what was a completely alluring and non-awkward (2 things that have never been used to describe me) profile I closed my laptop with a guilty “click!” and darted my eyes around the room. Had I really just made an online profile?? Was I honestly going to go out on a date with a strange man in a strange city? Not likely!
So, I did what made the most sense and entered into a state of denial about online dating. I ignored the first wave of guys emailing me, “viewing my profile”, and commenting on my photos. I stuck my nose in the air at all of them. “What pathetic men!” I thought, “Online dating… really?!” Facepalm… I had created an online profile so I online dated. Get over yourself Amanda, plus I had PAID for this. A teacher’s salary does not let good money go to waste and so I began to explore…
Enter: The Wink. As I began to view other’s profiles I became more intrigued. There were even a few that I may have “liked” ...had we been on Facebook.  This was though! How was I going to let these men know that I may have been interested in their online dating persona? The Wink. That’s how. My favorite part is that it isn’t just any wink, it’s a FREE wink. Remember the earlier mention of my teacher salary? Well this is every teacher’s dream… FREE. Never mind the fact that I have to pay a monthly membership, it says FREE next to it so I was getting every drop of FREE out of it.
After I whittled down the men that I deemed to be “wink worthy” I began to get nervous about what The Wink actually meant. Did it mean I wanted to have dinner? Make out? Booty Call? Date seriously? Get married? I researched this answer but none of the FAQs even came to close to answering my burning question. Was I really the first one to think of the implications that a virtual wink could mean?! Aren’t there thousands of other females on this sight over analyzing every virtual step they take?! Who even winks in real life?! What does it look like when he “receives” my wink?! Am I winking now or is that just a twitch I have developed from thinking too much about ONLINE WINKING?!
 After I went clinically insane and came back to planet Earth, I picked 1 guy who I would send The Wink too… I took a deep breath, poised my finger over the button, and clicked….
Congratulations! Your Free Wink has been sent! Now he knows you’re interested!
What a lucky dude.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Confession 1: Why me, why match, why now

Name: Amanda Darn it I wish my name was something like... Olive or Antoinette or Symphony...
Age: 25 Quarter life crisis?
Height: 5'4" Not too tall, but not too short... right?!
Weight:... Average Because average says so much about that terribly intrusive question that no girl should ever have to answer, even on an online dating profile.
Most interesting thing about me that will totally make you want to date me just by reading this: I love reading, listening to music, and wine. This totally makes me look cultured and mysterious and intersting.
Confession: I am a dateaholic

     When I made the big move from Ft. Myers to Atlanta in May I had no intentions of entering into the wild world of dating services. I am what my mother lovingly refers to as "a late bloomer" and dating was never one of my weekend hobbies. At the ripe age of 24 I had had 1 boyfriend for about a week in high school. Not what you'd exactly call a great resume. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to date lots of boys... but seeing as I "bloomed" at around 23 none of them really wanted to date me.
     Why did I decide to take the plunge and join match? This big step in my life was brought on by a lonely Friday night, a TV commercial, a glass of wine, and my open laptop.
      I have started this blog to share my adventures, sketchy encounters, laughs, and general spiral into what I have now become: A Dateaholic.